When someone in your team is having a difficult time, it can be hard to know what your role is.
You might notice that someone seems different. Perhaps they're quieter than usual, struggling with their workload or seem to have less energy than they normally do. They may tell you directly that things aren't going well, or you might simply have a feeling that something has changed.
What do you do with that?
There isn't one answer. Every person, workplace and situation is different.
Being a supportive manager doesn't mean becoming responsible for someone's wellbeing, and it doesn't mean stepping into a role that belongs to a counsellor, HR professional or another specialist.
But that doesn't mean we have to stop being human with each other at work.
There is a difference between caring and taking responsibility
We can care about someone without taking responsibility for fixing what they're going through.
That distinction can be particularly important in the workplace.
A manager might notice that someone is struggling and make space for a conversation. They might listen, ask whether there is anything about work that could be making things harder, or make sure the person knows what support is available.
What they don't necessarily need to do is understand everything that is happening in someone's personal life, provide emotional or therapeutic support, or find a solution to the problem.
Sometimes the most useful thing a manager can do is recognise where their role ends.
Start with what you actually know
It can be tempting to interpret changes in someone's behaviour.
- They're distracted — perhaps they're anxious.
- They're making mistakes — perhaps they're overwhelmed.
- They're quieter than usual — perhaps something is wrong.
But we don't really know.
There may be something going on at home. They may be tired. They may be dealing with a health issue. They may simply be having a bad week.So rather than trying to work out what is happening, we can start with what we have actually noticed.
"I've noticed things seem a little different recently. How are things for you?"
That's an invitation rather than an assumption. The person may want to talk. They may not. Either is okay.
What about the work?
Supporting someone doesn't always mean focusing on the person.
Sometimes it means looking at the circumstances around them.
Is the workload realistic? Are priorities clear? Has something changed recently? Is there conflict within the team? Has someone taken on more responsibility than they expected?
And sometimes the answer will be no. The difficulty may have very little to do with work.
That's part of the complexity of supporting people in a workplace. We don't always know what is happening, and we don't necessarily need to know everything in order to respond appropriately.
Listening doesn't mean becoming someone's counsellor
There can be a tendency to think that if we ask someone how they are, we somehow become responsible for what comes next.
We don't.
A manager can listen without needing to explore someone's personal history. They can acknowledge that something sounds difficult without trying to provide therapeutic advice. They can care about someone while maintaining a professional relationship.
In fact, those boundaries can be helpful. They allow a manager to remain a manager, rather than feeling that they need to become a counsellor, friend or rescuer.
Sometimes the most helpful thing is knowing what you don't need to do
You don't need to diagnose someone.
You don't need to find out exactly why they're struggling.
You don't need to solve their personal circumstances.
You don't need to have the perfect words.
And you don't need to hold everything yourself.
There may be a point where the appropriate response is simply to make sure someone knows what support is available — whether that's through HR, occupational health, their GP, specialist services or an Employee Assistance Programme.
There may also be situations where organisational policies, safeguarding concerns or questions about confidentiality mean that you need to seek advice rather than trying to work it out alone.
So what does good support look like?
Perhaps it is less about having the right answer and more about being willing to notice.
To ask without assuming.
To listen without taking over.
To consider whether there is anything about work that could be changed.And to recognise when something needs a different kind of support.
People bring their whole lives with them to work, even when we don't know what is happening outside the workplace. We can't — and shouldn't — try to separate people completely from their humanity.
But we also don't have to blur the boundaries that make a workplace safe and professional.
Sometimes supporting someone well is simply creating enough space for them to say, "I'm finding things difficult at the moment," and knowing what you can do with that information — and what you can't.
Safe Harbour provides confidential counselling and emotional support for employees through their workplace EAP.